Boredom and Depression
You are not interested in the here and now because you are projecting ‘what should be’ and, in boredom, you don’t even know exactly what this is. The fact that you are unable to define ‘what should be’ does not signify its absence. The inherent nature of you being unsatisfied in the present moment is an indication of the conflict of opposites: you are unsatisfied with ‘what is’ right now, preoccupied instead with ‘what should be’ or ‘what ought to be’ – even if these are not yet defined in your mind. So the ideal still exists and it is this ideal that is the cause of your boredom, depression or confusion.
You may be confused if the cause of your dissatisfaction is not specifically known, but does anything change if it is known? Normal dissatisfaction – which we can easily identify – is usually satisfied through the seeking out of gratification. However we know this to be an illusionary process, for the mind will soon create another form of dissatisfaction. The mind will create for itself another occupation since the mind itself is occupation. But if you are not seeking a specific satisfaction and you are still discontent, then you have created an ideal that is separate from what is real or actual. You have created an illusion, a myth, a goal, a ‘what should be’ and your discontent is a reflection of your desire to mould ‘what is’ (the present) into this self-projected pattern – even, again, if that pattern is not specifically clear. You are trying to mould or coerce ‘what is’ into ‘what should be’, or yourself into something that you are not. You are projecting.
Is any ideal real, or is it merely a creation of a confused and disorderly mind? When you deny something within yourself you always project that onto others. This can take the form of identification with your opinions – with winning or defending, or with God, country and so on – or with polishing your persona. It can also take the form of self-absorbed discontentment. You are miserable because you are not seeing and being what you truly are. You are denying your fundamental essence, caught up in dreams and ideas of something else. You may not know what that something else is, but because the idea of something else exists the conflict is still there – between what you are and what you long for. All such ideas are an escape from ‘what is’, from your true essence, and the duality of these opposites occupies your mind. You live this conflict; you are this duality. It can go on for decades; for a whole lifetime. This conflict is a form of self-absorption and self-worship, a vain self-projected escape that feeds the mind with occupation. The ‘me’ becomes increasingly isolated, a breeding ground for confusion, pain, tension and anxiety. Such self-projected escape is not real; it is a creation of your own thinking, an idea of fulfilment belonging to the mind. It is valueless; let it go. It prevents the understanding of ‘what is’ right Now, distracting you with illusory ideas of fulfilment.
You can only understand what you truly are by understanding what you are not. This process of negation must be understood. The false only comes into being when there is little or no understanding of what is true, which is ‘what is’. So to understand ‘what is’ you must understand how the false, that which masks the true, comes into being. One can only understand what is real, never what is false. How can you understand a mirage, an illusion? It is the genesis of what is false that must be understood. What is false is the conflict. What is real is ‘what is’, which is not conflict. Your ideal, your self-projected pattern is a fiction, a myth of fulfilment. Like the desert oasis, it is simply a projection of your own mind.
All self-projected patterns must cease if there is to be self-understanding and, with that, true fulfilment. Self-absorption, for example, ceases when the mind understands its isolating nature. Anxiety and depression are identifications with the self, they go on to create division, separation and isolation from others and relationship. When this is understood one’s self-projected patterns cease of their own accord and one is free to see and understand ‘what is’ and thus have true relationship (with existence and other people). This is the way of understanding and freedom.
We self-project when we compare, measure, judge, condemn, justify, resist, suppress, repress, sublimate, control or discipline ourselves against ‘what is’. We have even made virtue, in the form of control and conforming to patterns, yet another form of self-projection. This idea of virtue is actually the antithesis of virtue, for it is the denial of humility. It tethers the mind and reduces its swiftness and pliability to see and understand ‘what is’. A mind tethered cannot understand ‘what is’, for always its field of discovery is limited by the distortions of its beliefs and judgements. ‘What is’ can only be understood in the present. All distractions exist in time, they exist in the conflict of the opposites. There are no distractions in the present moment.