A Satirical Look At Medicine

A Satirical Look At Medicine

  • April 18, 2013
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  • by Keeb

Personal Blog Entry : Monday 16th Sep 2013

I have come to conclusion that the NHS is to be frank utterly useless and hopeless; underfunded and with so very little humanism. Two years of being shunted from pillar to post meeting various consultants who really don’t merit the title of ‘doctor’ or ‘professor’ (with the exception of just one or two). This is also true of just about half of Harley Street. On several occasions I had to advise consultants on some of the latest papers. ‘It’s your job to know this stuff sir, not for me to tell you!’ Almost as frustrating as a cab driver who cannot function without his sat nav.

So after two winters and two summers of extreme pain with the equivalent of a razor blade embedded in the groin, a nail hammered into the hip, unable to feel my outside thigh, pain levels that leave the torso permanently shaking and tinnitus bells constantly ringing in the ears (not great for meditation), just when one thinks events might finally change gear .. Would you believe it! At a group meeting about my case (which having spent the summer counting down the days waiting for my doctors to come back from their extra long summer holidays) the system showing my scans breaks down. *Good grief*. You couldn’t make this stuff up! One rheumatologist even said to me ‘You need to be on medications for the rest of your life young man!’ “Sorry, I didn’t hear you correctly. Pain has a source sir. It doesn’t just happen without reason”, showing him exactly where some tendons are torn and also pointing out that as a young virile man I am entitled to a full enriching sex life. In my head I am thinking, “Tantra is all well and good – a bliss dimension of lots of Neptune and Venus – but without the Mars / Pluto libido drive (and by this I mean being able to enjoy a jolly good f*ck of epic proportions) it just ain’t gonna cut it for me Mr Rheumatologist.” The really sordid elements of this subject being naturally omitted, I refused to leave his office and accept his discharge. Pardon the pun! I then went on to organise two extra private MRIs to prove the sources of pain that his scan should have picked up in the first place. “If I don’t understand what is wrong with you .. your pain is not real”, an absurd but all too common mindset of many a so-called ‘doctor’. Finally this week i am meeting the doctors who do know their stuff. Hallelujah.

Two years of alternative healing, what to report there? Acupuncture, pelvic floor exercises *yawn*, energy healing, the usual blah blah … maybe my chakras are just too misaligned or yes yes that’s it!! – it’s my unresolved fears manifesting in the body. *On the latter, feeling nausea coming on .. about to puke.* Say that to an MS sufferer and see what he or she says, a clip round the ear most probably. Dawkins is pretty much spot on with his anti woo-woo healing campaign; it’s not often I agree with him. Maybe I need the homeopathy A&E (see video post below), that should do it. BTW anyone who thinks wacky baccy is a medical panacea, think again. Not only does it make one incredibly dull and stupid, with yes an occasional insightful download from the primary reality, it doesn’t actually do THAT much! Admittedly it is a useful addition to MEDS and helpful to many MS sufferers (anyone who denies MS sufferers ANY drug whatsoever, legal or not, is a callous b*stard), but it’s not worth all the fuss. Important it may be, hemp as superfood, etc etc there are many more important topics in my view. On the plus side in this alternative area, only the oracles and mediums have been spot on. Especially one medium who is very dear to me. Thank you. I offer a deep bow to the spirit world. Not that they are listening, I am sure they have better things to do than read human Facebook.

So it has come down to choosing the upper tier of our immoral two tier health system. Last time at the ever so posh private hospital the tea and cakes soon stopped arriving after they suddenly raised the price of my injection from 200 quid to £907 with the staff noticing my wallet looking decidedly thin. I had to wash plenty of dishes that day! And quite what the extra 7 quid was for one can only wonder?

Out of patience or simply being forced to due to the sea of incompetence I am going once again for a private injection tomorrow. But get this: if I can walk out of the hospital in an hour or two the fee is one price, an over price naturally. A corporation must make a profit of course. A Corps or should I say corpse must have some blood in its veins. And being psychopathic in nature, with success being its own justification in this mad crazy world, empathy is a concept that belongs only in a dictionary. So if I am old and weak they will charge an extra 400 quid, I am occupying a bed after all! All on a timer!! Shocking! Let’s hope I can get up and walk out in time; I will crawl out on my hands and knees if I have to. Besides it will remind me of my old clubbing days where I used to crawl in and out of the gutter. How liberating those days were … there in the gutter!

The trial and tribulation ain’t over yet but it’s coming to a close. The heart of a lion and the craftiness of Odysseus the spirits once advised. This perhaps I finally feel. Big love to all of those who have supported me during this most difficult time. And especially the wonderful friends who came to see me when I was stuck in bed for three months. Thank you thank you for your kindness and love with all my heart.

Scroll below for blog update

Tuesday 17th Sept Update:

After 16 weeks two winters ago of essentially being nailed to the table as Dr Lee’s acupuncture pin cushion, today’s injection was a breeze. My goodness did the staff make a big fuss over nothing, a storm in a teacup. The upper classes, their regular clientele, clearly spend most of their days wrapped in cotton wool and would in all probability opt for their arses to be wiped if the service existed. Anyway it all went well and I was on my feet in minutes, so not ‘over the hill’ just yet. Whether it works or not remains to be seen, no relief so far I am sad to say.

An impressive set up of computers, monitors and fancy medical machines I soon remembered how they pay for all this stuff. My bill is presented and I notice an extra £400 squid on top, for the cost of the drug apparently. Firstly there was no warning of this in the quotation and secondly ‘durolane’ is just a posh name for WD40. So they wanted to charge an extra £400 for essentially a vial of engine part lubricant – which just so happens to also work on human joints. Absurd! I had a polite moan and yes they shaved off a tiny slice from my extortionate bill, changing it from ‘daylight robbery’ to more a proportionate ‘open embezzlement’. The price for insurance companies is even higher I am told, a cost which is always passed down. It is a good job one has a deep appreciation for absurdity, the world is increasingly so. For example departing this morning with the school run blocking just about every road that has ever existed one thinks of the days when children used to meet up with their mates and actually WALK to school. All these paranoid mums with their Chelsea tractors everywhere, drip fed fear from the corporate news. And all by design I hasten to add. Power pushes fear & trauma, it has to be definition for the cycles of our PTSD culture to continue. It is the only way for power to thrive.

‘The pain in the groin is related to the pain in the hip .. which is related to pain my back, which is in all probability related to neurotransmitters caught in some kind of pain loop’. A reasonable hypothesis to discuss one would think. ‘Oh I can only talk about my specialist field of interest which is the groin and hip’, he replied. ‘I can refer you to a back specialist if you like’. That would be 6 specialists in total not talking to each other with me and my limited medical vocabulary acting as the only liaison. Not good. The downside of too much specialization, I rest my case.

Coupled with the regular MEDS that stimulate the GABA receptors for muscle relaxing and sleep, GABA being essentially paint-stripper with a few extras, it is safe to say I am a walking B&Q hardware store right now. Unfortunately I ran out light bulbs a long time ago, especially after meeting so many doctors with their lights already out.


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